A Wotcher Wolvie Christmas
by The Atomic Cafe
Summary: Tonks takes an interesting in Remus, so she forms a for her. A Christmas story for our Wotcher Wolvie friends. COMPLETE.


**Disclaimer: I do not own any characters you recognize from Harry Potter. Dang, that includes Remus.**  
  
_**Author's Notes: Again, a challenge is why I wrote this! The following is the challenge:  
  
Remus and Tonks have to kiss under mistletoe or near a Christmas tree at the end of the story.  
  
2. This has to be set during the summer.  
  
3. Someone has to hit on Remus other than Tonks.  
  
4. The following things have to be said:  
  
"It's like Christmas in the summertime!"  
  
"I don't love you anymore...."  
  
"Where did that come from?"  
  
"Come here and let me warm you up."  
  
"Did you just wink at me/him/her?"  
  
"What else do you use that (insert body part here) for?"  
  
5. The following things have to be used:  
  
Moody's Eye  
  
Walkie Talkies!  
  
A Dollar Bill  
  
An ax  
  
6. Someone has to sing "Weasley is our King".  
  
7."Jingle Bells" has to be sung while people are sledding.  
  
So, here we go! This is for everyone who is part of Wotcher Wolvies, or just ships 'em! And, for the hitting on, a laugh to HMS Wolfstar and HMS Constant Furriness.**_

**__**  
  
"It's like Christmas in the summertime!" Sirius sighed, taking another sip of his drink. He and Remus were admiring a tree that was placed in front of the Black Family Tree.  
It was about one week after Harry, Hermione, Ron, and the rest of the children left for Hogwarts. Only four members of the Order were at Grimmauld Place at the moment: Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, Nymphadora Tonks, and Alastor Moody.  
Sirius edged closer to Remus and put an arm around him. Remus took a shuffle to the opposite direction, afraid of what Sirius was doing.  
"Come here and let me warm you up," Sirius whispered in a soft voice, eyes glinting evilly. Remus stared like a deer in headlights.  
"No thank you, I'm quite warm!" As Sirius leaned closer, Remus bolted from his set and slid down the hallway, crashing into Moody on the stairs. Moody grinned at Remus, and Remus took a step back. His smile was enough to frighten a dementor into oblivion.  
"Hello, there, laddie," Moody greeted, still grinning and moving closer to him. Sirius was coming behind Remus, wrapping an arm around his waist. Remus stared at the two again. Thoughts raced through his mind, such as: Why me? Why are they doing this? Was I magically poly-juiced into someone else? Is there something wrong with them? Where's Tonks when I need her?!  
Without another pause, Remus yelled and ran past Sirius to his room, locking the door and placing the dresser behind the door, sure that no one could get in.  
  
Tonks cackled at the grinning Sirius and chuckling Moody. Her fingers lined up and moving towards each other and back, she muttered, "My plan is perfect." She stood, reached into the pocket of her patched jeans, and handed both Sirius and Moody dollar bills. Sirius looked at it, turning it over in his hands. Moody dropped it onto the table and kept his distance.  
"What is that?" he questioned the witch. Tonks laughed at their reactions.  
"They're only dollars." Both still glared the green bills. "They're American currency. Anyway, I have to go and talk to Remus now. Thanks for all the help." She proceeded to make her way up to his bedroom.  
You see, her plan was to have the two men hit on Remus long enough to dive him crazy. After they did so, she would be able to talk to the werewolf. For the past half year or so, he had looked quite... seductive in her eyes, for reasons that she could not work out.  
As she approached his room, all she could hear was the scrambling of something moving in his room. She carefully knocked the door, ear close to the door.  
"Who is it?" was the slow response from within.  
She grinned. Everything was working fine. "Tonks." Remus slowly opened the door, peeking out at her. She tried to hide her grin, but it failed.  
Remus had obviously been freaked out by the two boys. A dresser, a desk, and a chair had been shoved up to the door, keeping anyone and everyone out. Remus grabbed her arm and dragged her into the room, locking the door and replacing the items.  
"Remus," she voice nervously, eyeing him, "isn't this a tad... out of character for you?" He glanced at her.  
"I just want to keep them out. They're acting... weird." He chose his words carefully, pausing a moment, but then finished dragging the desk into place.  
"How long are you going to do this?" Tonks asked. Remus sat on the chair and motioned for her to sit on the bed.  
"Until I can get out, they leave, or they act normal again."  
"Well, how about I get walkie talkies here so that we can talk. I don't think you'll be wanting to leave soon or have to move all that stuff soon."  
Remus nodded, understanding everything. Being a half blood, he knew many muggle devices well, and was quite happy when Tonks came up with the idea.  
"I'll see you around." Tonks stood up and looked at the pile before the door. Not wanting to bother Remus, she looked at the closed window. Then her mind drifted to apparation. No, I can't. Damn house is covered with spells. She muttered a few words and flicked her wand, getting the results of everything toppling out of the way of the door. Remus had stood a few seconds before. She grinned, waved, and left.  
Outside the room, she waited till she heard Remus move everything back, and then sprinted downstairs. Sirius and Moody were talking over a cup of tea. Both stopped and looked at her. She didn't talk, but rummaged through her bag at the table. After pulling out two yellow rectangular items, she thanked the two for their help, and walked back upstairs.  
After a while, she managed to get the walkie talkie through to him. They tested them for the next hour or so, and after that, both fell asleep.  
  
Sirius trudged up the stairs, dragging a large ax behind him. Thumps could be heard from every step he took, and Tonks decided to follow him.  
"What are you doing with that?" she asked nervously. Sirius managed to get to the last step.  
"Getting Remus out of there. He's paranoid." He lowered his voice. "He's getting worse that Moody."  
From downstairs, a gruff voice yelled up, "I heard that, laddie!" Sirius sighed and picked up the ax, aiming it straight and true at Remus' door.  
Before he thrust it, Tonks asked, "Where did that come from, anyway?" She had no memory of an ax anywhere in the house. Sirius shrugged and re- aimed.  
At that second, Remus opened the door, an expression on his face of defeat. When he saw the ax in his face, his eyes widened again, and he ducked in time for the ax to thud straight into the doorframe. Remus stood back up and stared at the gray ax. Sirius stepped back. Tonks yelled when the ax started moving.  
Ignoring the ax lodged into the doorframe, Sirius turned to Remus. "I don't love you anymore, okay? It was all false!" He sighed when Remus raised an eyebrow. "It was all a trick!" Tonks slapped herself and sighed. Why did Sirius have to ruin the plan? It was working so well!  
Sirius made his way back down the stairs, but not before throwing Remus a wink. He added a grin of malice for effect.  
"Did he just wink at me?" Remus asked Tonks a few moments of shock later. Tonks smirked.  
"No, I didn't see it," she responded, faking an innocent look. Remus eyed Sirius' form and turned to Tonks. Then, Moody's voice sounded up the stairs to their ears.  
"WHO TOOK MY EYE?!" Tonks laughed quietly as Remus hurried down the stairs. When he was out of sight, Tonks pulled the ax out from the door and replaced it with the eye. She rushed downstairs to the one-eyed Moody, whom was growling now. All she did was laugh a little harder.  
  
Summer passed before their eyes, and it faded into winter. Harry, Ron, Hermione, and the other children were back for Christmas break, and Moody happily took the children outside to show them how to sled- the cautious wizard way. All were terrified at the thought of Moody showing them, but went, nonetheless. Moody was clearly still mad about not having his eye, and managed to buy a replacement, something the others dared not ask about.  
Singing of 'Jingle Bells, Batman Smells, Robin Laid an Egg!" came from Sirius, who was seated by the window and had a distant view of the group. He cackled under his breath and started top hum a tune, which consisted of the crude lyrics:  
  
"Weasley is out king,  
Weasley is our king.  
He always lets the quaffle in,  
Weasley is our king."  
  
With pleasure, he laughed harder. The song came from somewhere deep in his mind, and didn't seem to fit. He thought it funny, nevertheless.  
Remus, Tonks, and Sirius made their way up to Buckbeak's new room, food in bags for the hippogriff. Sirius sat down next to him and Buckbeak gave him something similar to a kiss. Sirius grinned and returned it.  
"Do you know what else he uses his mouth for?" Tonks snorted through laughter. Buckbeak glared at her and Sirius pet the animal.  
"He's not bad, are you Beaky?" He took on a voice that one uses with a baby or kitten. Remus sighed and Tonks rolled her eyes, giving her clear view of mistletoe above their heads. She and Remus looked at each other, leaned in, and a warm kiss was passed between the two. Sirius hooted as they blushed.  
From a few doors down, Harry's voice drifted to them. "Since when is there an eye in the doorframe?"  
  
**FIN**


End file.
